he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
