so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
