you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
