Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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