Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
