I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I forget how to act sober
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
