i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
