They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
this hospital has no fireball
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
