Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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