Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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