Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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