This is not my ceiling
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
