I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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