Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
