9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
