OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
