i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dude. I can hear the air.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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