It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
