so that wasnt chicken after all
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
