In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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