May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
