just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
