You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
