you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
