here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
