oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
