I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
