Betty ford says i'm here all night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
