Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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