Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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