No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
