So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
