this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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