i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
