I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
