I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
