Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
