my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
