I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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