you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
