So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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