thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
