well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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