honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
