...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
