Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
