Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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