Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
