i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
