Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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