I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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