My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
