it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
