New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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