I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Randomize
