I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
