peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
