Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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