i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm always down for nudity.
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