So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
