dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize