i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
