So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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