Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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