Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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