never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
