so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
