she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
