3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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